Happy Birthday!!!

I can still remember the days when I wanted to be older, as if a higher number would mean I was more mature or gave me some kind of advantage. Then when I turned 26, I decided that I didn't want to get any older. Each subsequent birthday made me a little more nervous, a little more worried about what I hadn't accomplished yet or maybe never would. Then came 30. While it felt weird to enter a new decade, for the first time I thought I'd better own my age and realize that getting older was something I couldn't change, nor could I change any of the decisions I had already made. I began to more fully realize that no longer did I have to wonder where my life would lead me, but that I was already there, in the midst of some of the best moments and memories I'll cherish forever, like raising my two children in a loving home. And today, as I turn 32, I have to say that I love it. I'm not afraid of turning a year older, in fact, I welcome it. And I'm not just saying that. I'm more confident in who I am than I've ever been. I actually know who I am apart from who I think everyone thinks I should be. I know what many of my talents are, what kind of things I like to do, how I like to spend my time, and what things I won't waste my time on anymore. And while I probably still care too much about what other people think of me, I care so much less than I used to and I'm very happy about that. Here's a few things I know about myself now, that 10 years ago I was clueless about: I am not a sanguine or a phlegmatic, but a very true melancholy. I am an introvert. If I seem extroverted in a situation, it's because I'm adapting to my circumstances, but it drains me horribly to act that way. I love news. I am obessed with reading news websites and knowing the current events locally, nationally, and internationally. Sometimes I even tell my sports-obsessed husband how a game turned out before he can tell me. I love maps. Nerdy yes, but I can stare at a map for hours. Luckily, my husband lets me chart the course for all of our road trips. I've even had the nickname of "The Navigator". I love numbers. I wonder if I would have been a good accountant. I make long, detailed spreadsheets just for fun. I don't like being the center of attention. I've been there, but I've learned that I don't like it. Makes me very uncomfortable. I'm a perfectionist, to a fault. I often don't attempt something, or give up too early if it can't be done to my unrealistic ideals. Hence...my blog title... I don't like surprises. I like full details in advance so I know what to expect. I like to prepare mentally for everything or else I feel uncomfortable. This is why I like to go to the same restaurants and order the same thing every time. I know what to expect and I already know I like it. I love to take time away, by myself, to re-charge. I do it regularly. Sometimes it's a weekend away, but usually a few hours where I go out in nature, sit by myself and think, write or draw. Sounds boring to a lot of people, but it's necessary for me. I once had a boyfriend tell me, "you think too much". Never forgot that. Ha! Now, I know I'd rather think too much, than too little. I make decisions very slowly. I don't like spur of the moment choices. I default to making no decision or letting someone else make it, if I haven't had time to think about it. Finally, I've also learned that I am okay, just how I am. I don't have to be someone different than who God created me to be, just so I can be good enough, be liked by people, or make a difference in people's lives. I believe God made me the way I am for a reason and it's time to celebrate that person, instead of the imaginary one I've tried to live up to. Happy 32nd Birthday to the real me, someone I'm proud to be!