A New Kind of Grown-Up

I think I reached a new level of grown-up today.  It was my first time stopping a physical altercation between children, and one of them was mine.

I've always been extra-sensitive that Mason not become a bully.  Mainly, it's because he's big for his age.  Also, being the firstborn in our house with a little brother to play with, he regularly uses his size advantage to get what he wants.  Poor Max is constantly being pushed, shoved, and having his toys taken away.  I do my best to keep the play fair, but it's just the way it is right now.  

Today, however, Mason's eyes were opened to a whole new world.  Mine were too.

He was playing outside with some of the neighborhood kids, specifically a couple of 10-year-old girls who adore him.  They were playing with some kind of big, foam swords.  I immediately thought it might be a questionable choice for Mason as he tends to get carried away, but I decided to wait and see how it went.  Pretty soon a younger boy showed up to join in the fun.  

The girls were having Mason hit them lightly with the swords and then pretending to fall down, which encouraged him to continue.  He is currently of the mindset that if something is fun, then more of it is always better (more being: stronger, harder...etc.).

I had been outside to supervise Max since I don't trust him to stay out of the street yet.  I happened to look over at Mason and the kids and I saw him hitting the boy with the foam sword like he had been doing with the girls, but probably more intensely (as these games tend to go).  Finally, I realized the boy on the ground was actually upset.  I was about to go stop Mason from his "fun", as I figured he didn't realize what was happening, when he stopped on his own.  The boy got up, crying and looking pretty angry, went over to Mason and shoved him hard.  Mason caught his balance but didn't fall down.  Thinking it was over, I continued to sit and watch, assuming the worst of it was over and remembering some of the times I was pushed or pushed a friend when I was young.  However, the next thing I knew, the boy turned, wrapped his arms around Mason, and with his full body, pulled him to the ground and was on top of him.  My mother instincts kicked in and with all kinds of thoughts running through my head about my precious little Mason getting black eyes and a broken nose, I ran over and intervened immediately.  My main concern was that Mason is 3.  This boy is 7.

Mason was fine beyond being scared, and it didn't take him long to seemingly forget about the whole thing.  I, on the other hand, had to calm myself down for quite a while.  I kept running through everything in my head.  Should I have gone over sooner?  Did I say the right things to Mason and the boy?  How could the boy think it was okay to react to Mason in that manner? Was I being too protective of Mason and unfair to the boy in my reaction? 

I'm sure Mason and his friend will be playing together again like old buddies before I know it, but it did kind of throw me for a loop.  I wondered if I was ready for all of this, this new kind of conflict for my children, between them and their friends.  How do you deal with it fairly without making someone feel bad?  Or maybe that's not an option?

It was a different kind of adrenaline rush than I have when I'm angry at my kids for not listening to me or for acting out.  It was strange, like I stepped into a new level of parent-hood and now have to be a parental figure for other kids, besides my own, and be an example of what an adult should be.  I happen to know that this boy comes from a wonderful family, and it made me realize that as kids get older they are around the leadership and influence of other adults, like myself, so I have to make sure I'm being the kind of adult I'd want my kids to be around if the situation were reversed.  Kind of sobering, and definitely something I don't take lightly.

A good lesson for us, I think.  I got to grow up just a little bit more and Mason got to feel what it's like to be on the other side of his aggression toward Max.  Maybe now he'll think twice before shoving him out of his way when he wants the blue choo choo train.  Or maybe not...

Babysitter-Young

This morning I took the boys to play at Patriots Park in Downers Grove, and had a small moment of clarity.  Before I go on, I need to mention that I've been starting to think about myself aging and have been getting a little self-conscious.  I'm now well into being 31 and with my early 20's far behind me, I can look in the mirror and see hints of many wrinkles and I know that's just the beginning, not to mention my stiff knees... On the other hand, I've always felt kind of immature inside and sometimes don't feel wise enough to be a mom.   It seems like the gap between my mental and physical state appears to be widening.  Uggh.  Anyway, back to my moment.

At the park, I met a young early-teen girl at the swings.  We started talking as I pushed the boys.  After a bit, she said, "Are you their babysitter?"  It took me a second to realize that she was totally sincere.  I chuckled inside and revealed to her that, "No, I'm their mom."  Her surprised look, upon hearing my answer, just made it even better.  I'm not sure she knows how good she made me feel.

Sometimes I feel more like the babysitter than the mom.  Often, I'm taking a step away from moments of intense whining and fussing to think, "these kids are overwhelming, how does their mother do it?"  Or when they seem to lack listening skills of any kind, I sometimes look around for some moral support, as if to say, "Does anyone see this?  Am I just opening my mouth and no sound is coming out?"  Sometimes that's sure what it feels like.  On the other hand, feeling more like the babysitter can be good.  I love being silly with the boys, running around pretending that we are airplanes taking off to the skies with arms spread, or being the only adult squeezing myself down a child-size slide to the delight of my 3-year-old.  Of course, I have plenty of my own turns sitting on the side-lines being more of a supervisor or spectator, and I think there's definitely a time for that, but also, as long as I'm "babysitter-young", I'm going to challenge myself to keep being part of their playing and not only observing it.  I can tell by their reaction when I do, that they are so grateful and so excited to have me join in the fun of being young and being a kid.

So...here's to being "Babysitter-Young"!

New Life

I'm so pleased to announce that my new niece, McKinley Joy Murrill, arrived on August 3rd!  She came 5 weeks early but is already at home with Steph, Mark and big sister Monroe.

Tonight was the first time I'd been able to hold her.  I took the boys to their house so we could all officially meet her.  Seeing her through the glass window in the hospital just wasn't the same, although I'll never forget the moment Max saw her and gave her the nickname "Kiki".  Just perfect, Max!  She's very tiny, and very beautiful.

While both boys were excited to meet her, Mason seemed especially enamored.  He petted her head several times and gave her the tiny toy goose he picked out for her today.  When she coo-ed, he exclaimed, "She said, 'Goose please' ".  Of course she did!

Tomorrow night we are celebrating her, and her early arrival, with a baby shower at our friend Jen Brown's house.  I'm so excited that I finally get to be at one of my sisters showers.  I couldn't go to either of Renee's since I live halfway across the country, so this is extra special for me.  We'll take some pictures and eventually, I will post some of those as well as some from many months ago that I've been too lazy to take off my camera.  One of these days I'll get to it...but for now:

Let's hear it for a new baby, a new life, and a new family!!!

God bless Mark, Stephanie, Monroe and McKinley Murrill!

Lead Me

Somehow, I'm finding a quick moment to breathe.  I feel bad that I haven't written a blog post in so long, (mostly because I've missed it) but if I looked back at the past month, I'm still not sure I would have had a moment to do it.

We have had a lot of company this summer. Each visit was so wonderful and I'm glad we got to see so many different members of our family. I will be honest, and say that my energy cup is very empty, but I'm also kind of energized to get back into our normal, more quiet schedule.  Like most kids, Mason and Max do better when things are predictable and constant so it's always nice to settle back in to our routine.

I've been thinking a lot lately about God's leading in our lives.  If there's one thing I've learned about  following God's plan, it's that following His plan is always better than following mine. Any time I've tried to lead and have made a choice that put us in a particular situation, I end up feeling frustrated, unhappy and unfulfilled. I think it's because I don't see the big picture.  But He does.

Life throws you curve balls. Maybe you didn't expect to be divorced at this point in your life, or maybe you never thought you would face foreclosure when you moved into a home you loved.  I certainly don't know why some of the most gut-wrenching experiences happen to us, but I do know that God will be with us through all of it. The hard part is believing that and living it. If you do, if you keep your faith in Him through life's detours, He will not let you down.  For me, by trusting Him and not giving up on His promises to take care of me, I've received a peace of mind that's priceless.  Seeing where He has lead our family, sometimes unexpectedly, makes me know that I always want Him in charge of those decisions.  I always end up looking back and thinking, "Wow, I never saw that coming" or "I had no idea that going down that path would lead to this". He usually seems to take us places I would have never thought to go.  I think it's important to remember that in His time, He will show you His plans.  He will walk with you, pick you up when you fall, carry you when you are weak and ultimately, He will be faithful in His promises to prosper you, to give you hope and a future.  Try it.  He won't let you down.