Traveling Mercies

I'm sitting at Sea-Tac (Seattle/Tacoma Airport), waiting for my flight to take me home to Chicago and home to my 3 boys.  I've had a wonderful visit and girl's weekend with my family in Washington. I am sitting by the window, relishing in my chance to travel alone with no kids (I've already finished one book), and also taking some time to reflect on how it's entirely possible that I could have come home to none of my family, or even to one or more of them in a hospital room. Here's the story:

I sent Mike a text once I arrived at my gate at Chicago Midway to let him know I'd made it through security and to my gate with no problems.  In a minute or so, he called me.  He told me how he had, just moments before, been awakened as he was driving our boys in the van up the side of an embankment off the freeway. He said the vehicle was tilted far to one side and had he not been able to turn it at that moment, that soon it likely would have rolled.  Somehow, he was able to navigate the van back down toward the road and swerving between construction barrels, enter back into traffic safely.  Whew!  This is where the scary part ends and the lighthearted parts can begin since everyone was fine.

First I must say that, I was still trying to absorb how this could all happen within 20 minutes of my hugging, kissing, and saying goodbye to my family at the curb. Obviously, I was immensely thankful that no one was hurt and that although I still had travel ahead of me, my boys, who are my life, were spared from whatever might have been. What a shock to me, though, as I thought I was the one who needed "traveling mercies".

So here's where my laughter came in to relieve the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

First, I thought of what it must have looked like to any other drivers on the freeway who noticed the illogical path of our van. It is not an SUV, or a Jeep, or a Monster Truck.  Any of those would have looked odd, but maybe not quite as ridiculous as a silver Honda minivan driving off the shoulder, up the embankment, turning, then playing obstacle-course through construction barrels, before entering traffic again like nothing had happened.  I suppose driving on the freeway gets boring so why not enjoy a little change of scenery, right?

Second, after Mike had safely returned the van to the freeway, Mason piped up in his extremely energetic tone, saying, "What was THAT?" I know exactly how he must have said it and I laugh every time I imagine what he must have been thinking as dad was off-roading in the van.  He probably also thought that although mom doesn't do that, driving with dad was way more fun!

I love the funny parts of the story only because my family was safe. Needless to say, I've prayed more than usual as I enter every leg of my journey away and back to home.  I'm praying that God will guide the pilots and crew in their decisions and thoughts, that He will send angels to guide our aircraft, and that He will lead us as we attempt to manipulate ourselves through the world He created. I am desperate to be reunited with the three people who mean everything to me, who, barring any other unexpected events, will be picking me up tonight in good health.

If you like, send up a prayer today for someone who is traveling, or might need an extra boost.  It DOES matter!

I'll share more stories and also some photos from my trip once I'm home.  Signing out from Seattle!

Fire Trucks and Trains

This past weekend, Hinsdale's Fire Department and Police Station had their annual open house.  We met up with some friends after church to let our boys enjoy it.  You name it, they had it. Here are some pictures of the fun.

I love fall in Chicago. Here are my boys walking to the car after church. Just a couple of blocks away is downtown Hinsdale where the event was held.

When we got to the open house, Max was thrilled about the free sherbet.

But he needed some help from Dad.

Mason checked out the armored vehicle.

Taking a break with Daddy.

Mason and I toured the police station and got to see the underground gunnery where the officers keep their shooting skills sharp.

Future paramedics?

This guy always loves a big fire truck.

My favorite little boys.

Little brother likes it too.

What a perfect day!

Monday, we went with Nicole and Ezra to Blackberry Farm.  You can ride the train as many times as you want.

Ezra seemed to really like it!

Self portrait of the moms!

For some reason, Mason kept asking to see a pig all day.  This was the closest he got.  And then he sat on it.

Waiting in line for the carousel.

A self-portrait that actually has all five of us in it!

Me and my busy little guys.

Mason really wanted to ride the zebra.

Max just wanted to ride with Mommy.

Tomorrow night, our friends Brandon and Maria (as well as their three kids, Mitchell, Blythe and Brynley) are arriving to stay with us for a long weekend.  We are SO excited! Yes, this is the "Maria" I mentioned in one of my previous posts who had lived here and moved to North Carolina last December (where Mark and Steph just moved to). Yay, for friends who love you enough to take time away from work and travel 13 hours in a car with small children! 

Happy Wednesday...

Fall Vocabulary

I had to share some of the latest "words" the boys are saying, as well as a few pics. Although, Mason has decided he doesn't want his picture taken, so getting the few I got was a pretty big deal.

This is for you, Steph, and there will be many more to come.  Love you.  

Max, 22 months:

Covers = Cubbers

Muffin = Muppin

Motorcycle = dissickle

That's funny = Eh wunny

Mason, 3 years:

Computer = Compluter

Toothbrush = Toofbrush

Lightning McQueen = Light-minaqueen

What are you doing? = What are you for doing? (Where are you for going?)

Welcome, Fall. We're glad you're here.

Feeling empty and Filling empty

When something is empty, that means its supposed to be filled with something, right? If you aren't up for some potentially annoyingly-melancholy reading, you may want to stop here. For anyone that's left, here goes...

Mark, Stephanie, Monroe, and McKinley Murrill left last week for North Carolina. And it wasn't for a vacation. I have a very empty hole in my heart and it hurts. Badly. I know in time, it will hurt less and maybe something else will even begin to fill the hole, but for now, it's just gaping. Wide.

Here's where I'm at: I'm not ready to put on my happy face. Sometimes, to get through a rough time you have to stop thinking about it, distract yourself, put a smile on your face and move forward.  Well, I think that applies to the cup of water Mason kicked off my nightstand today or the fine I got in the mail a few days ago from one of those ridiculous red light cameras, but I don't think that today, it applies to my feelings.

In the past, I spent a lot of my life running, hiding, or just ignoring feelings that needed to be addressed, accepted and dealt with. That was a horrible habit and ultimately made me feel even worse about every situation, and worse about myself.  At some point, I realized what I was doing, and since then, I've chosen a different reaction, and my life is now full of raw emotions. I take time to "feel" things, and I say things to my husband like, "it's okay, but I need to cry", or "I just need to sit here and feel this" as I stare into nothing. It also means that when I feel something, I don't say "I'm fine" unless I actually mean it. I would rather sit for hours and let my sadness sink in, allow myself to really feel it, and then accept it, than just pretend that I'm fine when I'm really not. When I give myself permission to be sad, to not have "perfect" or "ideal" feelings about life, I give myself permission to be human.

This is a season in my life when I'm opting to be human over being "perfect". I'm sad. I'm empty. It feels like I have not only lost my close, everyday relationship with Stephanie, but I'm re-living the same thing that happened when my friend Maria left last December. It's okay. I'm not saying, "I'm okay", but more that I "will" be okay and  that although I consider my feelings of desperation and sadness necessary, I also know them to be temporary.

If we didn't experience sadness in our lives, would we appreciate the happiness as deeply?

It reminds me that God knows my path.  He knows my future.  He knows what lies ahead of me, what beautiful, wonderful things lay in my journey.  I can't see them.  And right now, I don't really want to. I'm not ready yet. I have faith that He knows me better than I know myself and I know that after this storm, peace will come to me. So I'm waiting on His timing.

I may not feel ready to move on, but when I am, I know He will have great things in store.  For now, though, I'm giving myself today, to remember how much I loved living near family and how wonderful it has been to watch our children play together and grow to love each other.  It's also a beginning, but I'll think about that another day.  Today is my day to just remember.

Eventually, it will hurt less, and my empty feelings will be filled with something else - a new friendship perhaps or a new hobby, or maybe even just a deeper appreciation for the three boys whose lives are dependent on me (yes, that includes my husband, ha!). No matter how sad I feel, I always feel better when I hear a little voice saying, "Mommy". Or like tonight, when two naked boys are running out of the bathtub begging me to chase and tickle them (that does not include my husband, currently...).

I love you, Mike, Mason and Max. I'm more than blessed, to have each of you in my life.