A New Kind of Grown-Up

I think I reached a new level of grown-up today.  It was my first time stopping a physical altercation between children, and one of them was mine.

I've always been extra-sensitive that Mason not become a bully.  Mainly, it's because he's big for his age.  Also, being the firstborn in our house with a little brother to play with, he regularly uses his size advantage to get what he wants.  Poor Max is constantly being pushed, shoved, and having his toys taken away.  I do my best to keep the play fair, but it's just the way it is right now.  

Today, however, Mason's eyes were opened to a whole new world.  Mine were too.

He was playing outside with some of the neighborhood kids, specifically a couple of 10-year-old girls who adore him.  They were playing with some kind of big, foam swords.  I immediately thought it might be a questionable choice for Mason as he tends to get carried away, but I decided to wait and see how it went.  Pretty soon a younger boy showed up to join in the fun.  

The girls were having Mason hit them lightly with the swords and then pretending to fall down, which encouraged him to continue.  He is currently of the mindset that if something is fun, then more of it is always better (more being: stronger, harder...etc.).

I had been outside to supervise Max since I don't trust him to stay out of the street yet.  I happened to look over at Mason and the kids and I saw him hitting the boy with the foam sword like he had been doing with the girls, but probably more intensely (as these games tend to go).  Finally, I realized the boy on the ground was actually upset.  I was about to go stop Mason from his "fun", as I figured he didn't realize what was happening, when he stopped on his own.  The boy got up, crying and looking pretty angry, went over to Mason and shoved him hard.  Mason caught his balance but didn't fall down.  Thinking it was over, I continued to sit and watch, assuming the worst of it was over and remembering some of the times I was pushed or pushed a friend when I was young.  However, the next thing I knew, the boy turned, wrapped his arms around Mason, and with his full body, pulled him to the ground and was on top of him.  My mother instincts kicked in and with all kinds of thoughts running through my head about my precious little Mason getting black eyes and a broken nose, I ran over and intervened immediately.  My main concern was that Mason is 3.  This boy is 7.

Mason was fine beyond being scared, and it didn't take him long to seemingly forget about the whole thing.  I, on the other hand, had to calm myself down for quite a while.  I kept running through everything in my head.  Should I have gone over sooner?  Did I say the right things to Mason and the boy?  How could the boy think it was okay to react to Mason in that manner? Was I being too protective of Mason and unfair to the boy in my reaction? 

I'm sure Mason and his friend will be playing together again like old buddies before I know it, but it did kind of throw me for a loop.  I wondered if I was ready for all of this, this new kind of conflict for my children, between them and their friends.  How do you deal with it fairly without making someone feel bad?  Or maybe that's not an option?

It was a different kind of adrenaline rush than I have when I'm angry at my kids for not listening to me or for acting out.  It was strange, like I stepped into a new level of parent-hood and now have to be a parental figure for other kids, besides my own, and be an example of what an adult should be.  I happen to know that this boy comes from a wonderful family, and it made me realize that as kids get older they are around the leadership and influence of other adults, like myself, so I have to make sure I'm being the kind of adult I'd want my kids to be around if the situation were reversed.  Kind of sobering, and definitely something I don't take lightly.

A good lesson for us, I think.  I got to grow up just a little bit more and Mason got to feel what it's like to be on the other side of his aggression toward Max.  Maybe now he'll think twice before shoving him out of his way when he wants the blue choo choo train.  Or maybe not...