Babysitter-Young

This morning I took the boys to play at Patriots Park in Downers Grove, and had a small moment of clarity.  Before I go on, I need to mention that I've been starting to think about myself aging and have been getting a little self-conscious.  I'm now well into being 31 and with my early 20's far behind me, I can look in the mirror and see hints of many wrinkles and I know that's just the beginning, not to mention my stiff knees... On the other hand, I've always felt kind of immature inside and sometimes don't feel wise enough to be a mom.   It seems like the gap between my mental and physical state appears to be widening.  Uggh.  Anyway, back to my moment.

At the park, I met a young early-teen girl at the swings.  We started talking as I pushed the boys.  After a bit, she said, "Are you their babysitter?"  It took me a second to realize that she was totally sincere.  I chuckled inside and revealed to her that, "No, I'm their mom."  Her surprised look, upon hearing my answer, just made it even better.  I'm not sure she knows how good she made me feel.

Sometimes I feel more like the babysitter than the mom.  Often, I'm taking a step away from moments of intense whining and fussing to think, "these kids are overwhelming, how does their mother do it?"  Or when they seem to lack listening skills of any kind, I sometimes look around for some moral support, as if to say, "Does anyone see this?  Am I just opening my mouth and no sound is coming out?"  Sometimes that's sure what it feels like.  On the other hand, feeling more like the babysitter can be good.  I love being silly with the boys, running around pretending that we are airplanes taking off to the skies with arms spread, or being the only adult squeezing myself down a child-size slide to the delight of my 3-year-old.  Of course, I have plenty of my own turns sitting on the side-lines being more of a supervisor or spectator, and I think there's definitely a time for that, but also, as long as I'm "babysitter-young", I'm going to challenge myself to keep being part of their playing and not only observing it.  I can tell by their reaction when I do, that they are so grateful and so excited to have me join in the fun of being young and being a kid.

So...here's to being "Babysitter-Young"!