Choosing My Moment

I started my goal for March a little early. The last weekend of February, I did something almost unheard-of, at least for a mom with two small children. Friday afternoon, I dropped the kids off with Miss Shelley while Mike was finishing up work, and I drove up to a little Bed and Breakfast in Wisconsin on the edge of Lake Michigan called the Lake Orchard Farm Bed and Breakfast. That is where this month's goal and eventual journey began.

I had been feeling a lot of turmoil inside of me, for various personal reasons and I knew that getting some alone time to sort through my feelings, enjoy some quiet time, and reconnect with God was something I really needed to do. I needed more than just an evening sitting in Starbucks, or a walk around the block. I needed to be really alone. For a whole weekend. This idea was perfect.

The Bed and Breakfast is located on a farm in a building that used to be the summer kitchen many years ago. It has since been converted into a beautiful building with four suites and two beautiful common areas filled with pictures and antiques showing the history of the farm. Each morning I ate breakfast by myself at an old oak farm table while I talked to the 5th generation farmer's wife who told me stories of the old days. Having spent many of my best summer memories as a child at my Great Uncle's farm, I felt right at home.  After breakfast, I headed down to the lake and sat in silence, listening to the wind, the water, and the thoughts I needed to straighten out. I almost got lost at one point when I went snowshoeing in the farm's wooded acreage. I followed the trails, but still got completely turned around. I didn't care, though. There was no one waiting for lunch or needing a nap. I could take as long as I wanted.

Over the course of the weekend, I took many hot baths in my personal whirlpool tub, during which I talked with God, cried with God, and listened to Him.  The joke to myself was that anytime I was ready for another "therapy session" all I had to do was fill up the tub and before I knew it the tears would be flowing.  Sometimes you just need to let it out.  As a mom, you don't take time for yourself. You forget how important it is to take care of your needs and that if you don't, you might not have the strength and energy to be the kind of mom, wife and person you want to be.

One of the things I learned, is that I need to work on finding balance.  I tend to be an "all or nothing" kind of person.  I usually put all of my energy in to something and the rest of the world is invisible to me, or I don't try at all.  This is a challenge when I want to work on my relationship with God and grow closer to Him, but keep getting distracted and finding other things to put "all" my energy into.

I went into the weekend thinking what I needed most was quiet time alone, but what I learned was that what I actually needed most was quiet time alone - with God.  And I need it on a regular basis, not just for one relaxing weekend, but I need Him all the time, to get through life without getting overwhelmed and overspent.

This month, my goal has been to keep finding these "moments" with God.  I've found them out on walks with my kids, laying in bed looking out my window, and sitting in the backyard.  It's actually much easier than I thought, I just have to choose to make it happen. During the day, we spend more time outside exploring than we do walking around the mall (helps that the weather is nicer now).  I've taken the boys to some new parks and several forest preserves. I feel more peaceful, the boys love running around outside rather than being stuck in a stroller or scolded for wandering away, and we all feel more connected to each other. I feel a peace that I haven't felt in a long time.

For the rest of this month, I'm going to keep choosing to have these moments, and to give myself more opportunities to experience them.  I can feel the changes and I want to keep them coming.