Alone...please.

I'm not sure if it's the shorter days, the cooler weather, or the gray skies that seem to be hanging on longer, but I've been feeling my inner introvert kick in with great force. I'm entering a phase of serious re-energizing and I'm not surprised if some people think I'm odd, strange, or down right rude. Of course, I don't mean to be any of those things.  Needing to be re-energized, for me, means that I need to be alone.

I don't want to plan any parties (sorry, Max, even though you are turning 2 next weekend...so, we'll see what we come up with), go to any events with crowds of any size (church too, sadly), or have to be "on" in any form.  I get exhausted hanging out with a lot of people (or less than a lot, if it's the wrong people). I don't have my usual energy to do laundry, clean the house, or tackle my favorite home projects. And I'm sure it sounds ridiculous, at least to the 70% of the population who are extroverts and have no idea what I'm talking about, when I say that I just want to be alone with my journal, my pen, and my thoughts.

Ditching my family entirely to meet my introverted needs is not something I'm going to do, so I suck it up and push through it.  Ugh.  But it doesn't come without a price.  Although holing up in my dorm room in college worked just fine, I can't exactly tell my energetic toddlers to go whip up some breakfast on their own because I need an extra hour to finish my contemplative thoughts.  Rather, I've had to be especially creative to respect my own needs while not neglecting my family's.  As an example, all three boys were sleeping on Sabbath afternoon when I snuck outside to the backyard with my journal, puffer jacket and favorite lounge chair.  I cozied up, finally alone in the quiet, breeze blowing the crisp leaves, started writing, and in the midst of my first sentence as I'm basking in my "I'm so sneaky" feeling, a little red-headed boy comes bounding around the corner with his summer shoes and no coat and says in the most energetic, sweetest, highest, littlest voice, "Hi Mommy! You out here?" It was as if he, too, had discovered a little secret and he knew it was special.  While I didn't get much (okay, any) writing done I did have the front seat to a performance of how many different ways you can go down a slide headfirst, how to play golf with a plastic bat, and I got to be the designated puller of a red wagon expedition looking for good sticks.

Despite my current state, I wouldn't trade that afternoon for anything. On the other hand, Mike took the boys out for a while on Sunday afternoon while I was at home by myself, last night I had a long, hot bath and tonight, Mike put the kids to bed.  I know that without a partner who cares and understands, I might be literally going crazy. I'm so thankful for his willingness to step in when I'm getting overwhelmed (this feeling, of course, is not unique to us introverted moms...but is common to moms of many personalities).

So, I will take my few moments, because I know that before too long, I won't feel quite so off-balance, or quite so desperate to be alone. Every little bit helps and if all I can get at the moment is small pieces of time, that's okay with me.  I know it will get better and I also know I don't want to miss the spontaneous moments with my kids.

What are you needing right now? Is there a way you can meet your needs without giving up something in other areas of your life?