I've realized that I'm really good at making excuses, and not always great at following through. I've learned that I don't have to please everyone. I learned that after moving into this little 1950's house over 3 years ago (while waiting for our home in Denver to sell), and thinking I would be living here only a few months, that it actually feels like home now, turquoise tiles and all, and I actually don't mind some of its awkward quirks because what matters more to me are the little heads sleeping across the hall from us upstairs and the fact that they wake up every morning, not thinking about what we don't have, but happy about what they do: a loving family, a safe place to live and hopefully, a fun and meaningful time with me everyday. I feel like the little things that used to drive me nuts about this place, are now like little badges on my sash of growing up that show something I've accomplished. The fact that we had to make our own king bed by buying two extra-long twin mattresses for the bedroom upstairs because our king bed wouldn't fit up the tight, twisted staircase, used to make me resent this place. It was like it represented what I didn't have, what I had left behind, a larger, roomier, newer home where I didn't have to think about something not fitting up the stairs, where my life and everything else seemed easy and great. All I had to do was look around and see that everything worked, and everything was pretty nice. Three years later, I am glad I am breaking my ridiculous ideas of perfection. What I hadn't seen before, was that I was still a person with great potential in many ways, having made leaps in maturity from my college days, but still with a lot to learn, mostly about myself. So now, this house is lovely to me. It's like me. It's getting old. (Ha ha.) It has cracks and weird sounds. It has lots of old things that if it had been mine three years ago, I would have wanted to update a lot of it, and fast. It has stains on the carpet, cracks in the tile, water damage, leaks, and a new problem as of yesterday: the heater doesn't stop. We have to turn the whole furnace off at night or the house will be over 80 degrees in the morning. It's times like this that I'm glad I have a landlord to call. Anyway, the house is like me in other ways, because it also shows signs of work completed, repair on the ceiling like lessons learned, painful moments that made me stronger, and still, holes cut for access to internal parts that were left open, to be filled in at a later date. Since we've been here, this house has received a new refrigerator, some new wiring, a new toilet and lots of fresh paint on the walls. It's been getting better and it has the scars to prove it. I hope that with my internal scars, I only become better, a more compassionate, less selfish, more loving person than I used to be, less worried about what things look like and more worried about how they actually are.
That brings me to my latest thoughts about my blog and about next year. As I've been contemplating and reflecting on where my blog has taken me this past year, I'm so excited. I have received such positive feedback in the form of typed comments, emails, and you telling me in person how much you've enjoyed reading it. You, my readers, however few you may be, make this such a wonderful experience for me and I graciously thank you. I am grateful both to those I know in person, and to those of you who have surprised me over the blogging world and have reached out to me, only knowing me from this medium. Thank you! I have decided in order to best reflect where this blog is taking me personally, that I am going to change the name and focus from being on Resolutions, which obviously are hard for me to stick with anyway, to something in another direction that is relevant to me right now. (The actual blog site address will remain the same, this just refers to the title on the top of the page that currently says "A Murrill Resolution".) I will announce the new changes when the new year is actually here! So please check back!
I'm going to leave you with a few photos and notes to bid farewell to 2011.
The boys got haircuts in December. Max hated it. The sucker helped. And I had to hold his hand.
At first I just took Max.
Me: "Hi, sweet, loving sons. You make my life great."
Then I went back later and got Mason's done too. He did great.
Max tried out their video games.
Many suckers make happy boys.
A mid-December shot of my Christmas card wall this year, and to the right, is the infamous staircase.
My big Christmas present this year, was a new 2012 Honda Odyssey (our other van needed repairs beyond it's value and it happened to be December when we had to make a decision...this is not a precedent we are setting for gifts...ha ha) that I'm totally nervous to drive because I've never owned a new car before. After taking it to Kansas City for Chrismas it now has about 1400 miles on it. That's something I never thought I'd say. Seriously, I never thought I'd buy a new car.
Something else you will probably see more of in my blog next year, are the fruits of my obsession/hobby of getting good deals on clothing. My friend Kelsey, is awesome at putting creative, fashionable and affordable outfits together. I'm not that good at the whole picture, but I have a hobby of finding great deals so I don't think I'll be able to resist sharing an item or two. This time though, I'll go ahead with the whole outfit. In the picture below (with my new van, yay, and a little nervous twitch) here's the run-down:
Dress: H&M - $20
Belt: Banana Republic - $15
Purple Tights: Banana Republic - Gift from my mother-in-law
Jacket: Vintage Goodwill (from college, doing the news broadcast on Blue Mountain Television) - $7
Shoes: Steve Madden, also Goodwill
The boys in their Christmas best with Papa, Mike's Dad.
The older cousins...just missing baby Kiki.
Mike (on the right) and his brother Mark, getting some after-Christmas deals down at the Plaza in Kansas City, MO. Another moment of note for us this year, is that Mike accepted the position of CFO at one of the Adventist hospitals here in the Chicago area. He's been at it since August and is enjoying it.
I hope you've each had a wonderful holiday season so far. If I don't talk to you before then, Happy New Year!
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