As we walked past the childcare area at IKEA, where you can check kids in to play while the adult shops, Max decided he REALLY wanted to go in. Mason, said yes at first, but then changed his mind. Of course, Max only wanted to go if Mason went and he really, really wanted to go. Mason was steadfast, not going to change his mind. Max got really upset and started jumping up and down in the middle of the floor, wailing/fussing/crying/yelling and making quite the scene. Normally, this sets off a panic inside of me, everyone around starts staring, and I start imagining what they are thinking (all very negative in my mind, of course) and my focus turns to stopping whatever it is that's causing everyone to stare at me, and to get ourselves invisible again so we can hurry and get out and back to the car.
That's when I did something different than my normal. (And let me just say, my normal is not good, and hopefully none of you are like me.) Instead of hushing him and getting stressed and trying to go about our business without resolving anyone's feelings, I squatted down to his level, looked straight in his eyes and just talked to him. I validated him. I told him I understood that he was frustrated and that I knew he really wanted to go and play. I empathized with him. I held him and felt sad with him. And I just let it be. I didn't try to convince him to feel otherwise. It was incredible. I didn't choose fear, which is my usual response, and would have meant running away from the situation. I chose to love him, to take one minute and show him I cared and that I really saw him.
Within 30 seconds, he was totally calm. We started on our way and he looked up at me while holding on to the cart and walking beside me and said, "It's okay. We'll do it another time."
Yes, baby. We will.
Love wins.
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